That Small Thing Called Life

“Tell me any memories that you will never forget”

This question always lead me to a long pause. I could not think about any interesting memories that I will never forget. Mostly because I do not have any interesting memories. At least, nothing that anybody wants to hear. That long pause often became a full stop and followed by a different topic.

But, as time flies, I started to look back at my past and older age made me look at life from different perspective. I started to think back about the question. The truth is, most of the time,  when being asked that question, I was afraid to answer it. I was sort of afraid of being ‘wrong’. I was afraid that people will judge me or got bored with my answer. Why was I that afraid?

Journey of seeking the ‘right’ answer

I used to be a confident teenager. I did not care about what others think and everything in the world revolves around me. Nothing matters except me, my friends and family. In other simple words, I was ignorant, self centered and think highly about myself. I thought I was confident, but the truth is, I was ignorant to the fact that it was all a lie. Sadly, I did not even realised that I lied to myself. I was a really good liar until I was able to tricked myself to appear like a confident person.

I pretended that I do not care about what people think, when the truth was, I really care of being liked. I was who I was because I really care about what people think of me, I really wanted to be known and liked. That time, I was really drawn with myself, I forgot to look at things and people around me. That little things called life.

So, when someone asked me the ‘question’, I could not answer it because I was afraid people will know that my life was as ordinary as anybody else and people will got bored with ‘ordinary’ answer.

When reality sinks in

When i get older, i started to think about my past, what i should or should not have done. I started to read back my old journals. By studying myself, I started to realised who I really am. I started to look at that small things around me. I started to cherish the small memories that was buried deep in my head because all this time, I believe that those memories were just ‘ordinary’memories that worth nothing. I started to find that ‘something’ that I will never forget. By accepting who I really am, I am no longer afraid of being judge by my ordinary life.  I also started to appreciate that small group of people called friends instead of large group of people called acquaintance. I started to care about what other people think, not for their approval but to understand their behavior, to understand the reason behind their decisions and choices.

So, tell me something that you will never forget

I will never forget that time when I was 8.  We were on our way down from our classroom on the 4th floor when i tripped and fell few steps of the stairs, on my butt. Luckily, nothing was broken, but I could not walk straight for a week. I got 2 weeks medical leave which, of course, as a lazy student, I really enjoyed. I forget how the pain felt, but i remember  I went out and play by walking side ways like a crab. Good times.

That small thing called life

I found my ‘right’ answer to the question, it was that tiny little memories that was always in my head. I realised that, when I accept who I am, I started to accept and cherish all the memories that I had, the sweet memories that I hope I can experience it again or that bitter memories that I really wished never happened.

I started to look at that small things around me.

That small things around me called life.

What  are your small things?

Love,

Anna